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DirtyMartini
Posted: Friday, April 27, 2012 2:44:40 AM
DirtyMartini
Rank: Rest in Peace

Joined: 10/12/2010
Posts: 3,402
Location: Earth, for now..., United States
These are so bad I just had to share them with my friends...happy8

No pun intended...

1. ARBITRATOR: A cook that leaves Arby’s to work at
McDonalds
2. AVOIDABLE: What a bullfighter tries to
do
3. BERNADETTE: The act of torching a
mortgage
4. BURGLARIZE: What a crook sees with
5. CONTROL: A short, ugly
inmate
6. COUNTERFEITERS: Workers who put together kitchen
cabinets
7. ECLIPSE: What an English barber does for a
living
8. EYEDROPPER: A clumsy
ophthalmologist
9. HEROES: What a guy in a boat
does
10. LEFTBANK: What the robber did when his bag was full of
money
11. MISTY: How golfers create divots
12. PARADOX: Two physicians!!
13. PARASITES: What you see from the top of the Eiffel
Tower
14. PHARMACIST: A helper on the farm
15. POLARIZE: What penguins see with
16. PRIMATE: Removing your spouse from in front of the
TV!!
17. RELIEF: What trees do in the
spring
18. RUBBERNECK: What you do to relax your
wife
19. SELFISH: What the owner of a seafood store
does
20. SUDAFED: Brought litigation against a government
official


I once knew a drinker who had a moderating problem...

Sherzahd
Posted: Friday, April 27, 2012 1:57:34 PM
Sherzahd
Rank: Administration
Moderator

Joined: 2/2/2011
Posts: 2,277
Location: Cape Town
[smilie=6.

“Many people hear voices when no-one is there. Some of them are called mad and are shut up in rooms where they stare at the walls all day. Others are called writers and they do pretty much the same thing.”


scooter
Posted: Saturday, April 28, 2012 8:43:46 AM
scooter
Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 7/1/2011
Posts: 155
Location: Lake Erie
Too funny Alan. I swear, some folks have way too much time on their hands when they think of stuff like this.
I'm glad they work so hard at it though.

I'm confused again though Al, I don't get #5 ?


edit: never mind Al, it just hit me, LOL
con - troll
DLizze
Posted: Friday, November 30, 2012 4:08:25 PM
DLizze
Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 11/4/2012
Posts: 32
Location: NW of Baltimore City, United States
ENGINEERING CONVERSIONS
1.Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter? = Eskimo Pi

2. 2000 pounds of Chinese soup? = Won ton

3. 1 millionth of a mouthwash? = 1 microscope

4. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement? = 1 bananosecond

5. Weight an evangelist carries with God? = 1 billigram

6. Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour? = Knot furlong

7. 16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone? = 1 Rod Serling

8. Half of a large intestine? = 1 semicolon

9. 1,000,000 aches? = 1 megahurtz

10. Basic unit of laryngitis? = 1 hoarsepower

11. Shortest distance between two jokes? = A straight line

12. 453.6 graham crackers? = 1 pound cake

13. 10 saxophones? = 1 tenor saxophone

14. 1 million bicycles? = 2 megacycles

15. 365.25 days? = 1 unicycle

16. 2000 mockingbirds? = 2 kilomockingbirds

17. 10 cards? = 1 decacards

18. 1 kilogram of falling figs? = 1 Fig Newton

19. 1000 milliliters of wet socks? = 1 literhosen

20. 1 millionth of a fish? = 1 microfiche

21. 1 trillion pins? = 1 terrapin

22. 10 rations? = 1 decoration

23. 100 rations? = 1 C-ration

24. 2 monograms? = 1 diagram

25. 8 nickels? = 2 paradigms

26. 2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital?
= 1 IV League

27. 100 Senators? = Not 1 decision

28. 1 million-million microphones? = 1 megaphone

ANd, for you traffic and highway engineers:

29. 1 armed shore bird = guard rail
Just remember: Two wrongs don't make a right, but three left turns do.

"Any book not worth reading twice was not worth reading the first time." Oscar Wilde
DirtyMartini
Posted: Tuesday, December 4, 2012 6:35:28 PM
DirtyMartini
Rank: Rest in Peace

Joined: 10/12/2010
Posts: 3,402
Location: Earth, for now..., United States
Oh Man DLizze...some of those are really rough...just sayin'

I once knew a drinker who had a moderating problem...

DLizze
Posted: Tuesday, December 4, 2012 10:50:41 PM
DLizze
Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 11/4/2012
Posts: 32
Location: NW of Baltimore City, United States
Oh, come now - there aren't any that are worse than the short, ugly inmate. happy8

I have to give credit, though. about twenty years ago, the blueprint (remember those?) companies used to give out free calendars. One year, each month had a few of those puns, with dimensioned illustrations, as if they had been drawn by architects or engineers.

"Any book not worth reading twice was not worth reading the first time." Oscar Wilde
EyeOfTheBeholder
Posted: Friday, September 28, 2018 9:22:11 PM
EyeOfTheBeholder
Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 6/23/2018
Posts: 31
Halibut: An excuse to have dinner
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