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Making a Baby Options · View
adele
Posted: Tuesday, January 10, 2012 4:01:49 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 10/23/2011
Posts: 1,589
Making a Baby....

This is hilarious!

There is not one dirty word in it, and it is funny!


The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife good-bye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.'

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning, Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to...'

'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been expecting you.'

'Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?'

'Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat !.

After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?'

'Leave everything to me.. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there.'

'Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!'

'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.'

'My, that's a lot!', gasped Mrs. Smith.

'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time.. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that.'


'Don't I know it,' said Mrs. Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. 'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said.

'Oh, my God!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

'And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with..'

'She was difficult?' asked Mrs.. Smith.

'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look'

'Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.

'Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.'

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. 'Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?'

'It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away..'

'Tripod?'

'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long.'
Mrs. Smith fainted









We don't know how much we don't know.
CKAcres
Posted: Tuesday, January 10, 2012 4:14:12 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 11/12/2011
Posts: 4,710
Location: Canada
hello2 Hey friend that is tooooooooo! funny.sign5 Thanks for sharing.

"No one knows when the final grain of sand will plummet through their own personal Hourglass." ~ CKAcres
"If you really want to make a difference, don't over think it, just do it..."
"Scars of life are deeply etched within the minds of curious old souls."
Sherzahd
Posted: Friday, February 10, 2012 11:04:49 AM

Rank: Administration
Moderator

Joined: 2/2/2011
Posts: 2,277
Location: Cape Town
Good one... f-hihi

“Many people hear voices when no-one is there. Some of them are called mad and are shut up in rooms where they stare at the walls all day. Others are called writers and they do pretty much the same thing.”


Poppet
Posted: Tuesday, May 7, 2013 7:26:11 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 5/2/2013
Posts: 512
Location: You Inspire Me, United States
PurplePanda101
Posted: Tuesday, September 17, 2013 10:00:58 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 8/17/2013
Posts: 750
Location: My Head, United States
hahahahha omg amazing!!!

~purple addict~
frogprince
Posted: Wednesday, September 18, 2013 11:05:27 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 9/15/2012
Posts: 510
Location: Bliss, United States
I had similar experiences, but shooting blanks always leads to no exposure. Sometimes things pop open and become overexposed. Then one has to try and make sure there is some underdevelopment in there. I do my best work in a darkroom though.

I just keep hopping from place to place.
I never stay too long.
I just keep moving singing a song.
So you better stop me if you want to chat.
Or you will never know where I am at.
PurplePanda101
Posted: Wednesday, September 18, 2013 11:31:45 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 8/17/2013
Posts: 750
Location: My Head, United States
frogprince wrote:
I had similar experiences, but shooting blanks always leads to no exposure. Sometimes things pop open and become overexposed. Then one has to try and make sure there is some underdevelopment in there. I do my best work in a darkroom though.


Oh my goodness Calvin! you cant just say things like that lol oh my goodness *shakes my head and sighs at you*

~purple addict~
littlegirllost
Posted: Tuesday, January 21, 2014 8:00:15 PM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 7/14/2013
Posts: 64
OMG! This is just too funny! Thanks for sharing!
aussie_kitty77
Posted: Monday, March 3, 2014 9:44:09 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 6/29/2013
Posts: 1,192
that is really clever, lol... thanks for sharing so funny


bunz
Posted: Friday, December 19, 2014 8:06:44 AM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 9/2/2012
Posts: 58
Location: Leeds, United Kingdom
oh my god that was hilarious!

Life exists. Or it doesn't. Who knows?
Fewniks
Posted: Sunday, September 20, 2015 9:44:59 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 5/29/2015
Posts: 715
Location: muscat
LMAO

"Life is What you make of it "
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