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RobertHildenbrand
Posted: Sunday, July 7, 2013 5:45:08 AM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 2/11/2013
Posts: 14
So here is another question.

I have a group of characters fleeing a group of hostiles, to stand and fight is certain death and I need them to discover a hidden facility cut into a mountian anyway. So to bring both elements into one, I have artillery fire penetrat the mountian side and detonated storage tanks in the mountian base.

Until my characters enter the facility, they believe it to be a cave.

My question is how to discrib the cave through narration (third person, past tense) without ruining the discovery for the reader?

I am trying to avoid narration a which have the narrators voice all knowing.

Example:

Steven stood up and glanced to the mountian side. His eyes widened as he saw the black void of a cave entrance in the mountian. "John." He said and pointed to the cave. "Get the civilians up to there."


End example:

Once they enter the cave, they will discover that it isn't a natual environment, but an abandoned underground facility.
sprite
Posted: Sunday, July 7, 2013 10:20:42 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 10/13/2010
Posts: 81
Location: Wonderland
do it through their eyes...

Steven looked around in wonder; what he'd thought was cavern, worn by time and the elements into the face of the mountain, seemed to have been carved, instead, by the hand of man. where he expect rough walls and an uneven floor he instead found perfect angles and a level surface, a sure sign that it had been built by men.

something along that line. :)


The Nightmares Begin Here -
http://www.storiesspace.com/stories/horror/wonderland-lucys-tale-chapter-one.aspx
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