Two guys from Michigan die and wake up in hell. The next day, the devil stops to check on them and sees them dressed in parkas, mittens and bomber hats, warming themselves around the fire. The devil asks them, “What are you doing? Isn’t it hot enough for you?”

The two guys reply, “Well, you know, we’re from Michigan, the land of ice and snow and cold. We’re just happy for a chance to warm up a bit, you know.”

The devil decides that these two aren’t miserable enough and turns up the heat. The next morning, he stops by again and there they are, still dressed in their parkas, mittens and hats. The devil asks them again, “It’s awfully hot down here, can’t you guys feel that?”

Again, the guys reply, “Well, like we told you yesterday, we’re from Michigan, the land of ice and snow and cold. We’re just happy to warm up a little bit, you know.”

The devil gets a little steamed up and he decides to fix the two guys. He cranks the heat up as high as it will go. The people are wailing and screaming everywhere. He stops by the room with the two guys from Michigan and finds them in light jackets and hats, grilling sausage and drinking beer. The devil is astonished. “Everyone down here is in abject misery, and you seem to be enjoying yourselves.”

The two Michiganders reply, “Well, ya know, we don’t get too much warm weather up there in Michigan, we’ve just got to have a cookout when the weather is this nice.”

The devil is absolutely furious, he can hardly see straight. Finally, he comes up with an answer. These two love the heat because they have been cold all their lives. He decides to turn all the heat in hell off.

The next morning, the temperature is below zero, icicles are hanging everywhere, the people are shivering so bad, they are unable to wail, moan or gnash their teeth. The devil smiles and heads for the room with the 2 Michiganders. He finds them back in their parkas, mittens and hats. They are jumping up and down and cheering. The devil was dumbfounded. “I don’t understand. When I turn the heat up, you’re happy. Now it’s freezing cold, and you’re happy. What is wrong with you two?”

The Michiganders look at the devil in surprise. “Well, don’t ya know - if hell froze over, that must mean. The Lions won the Super Bowl!”

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In a small town - somewhere in the country side - there was a family with two boys, age 8 and 10. And whenever there was mischief, it's most likely these two boys were at the center of it. The parents were at a loss what to do about it. They tried everything!

One day a new pastor came to town. He was a rather young man who travelled the world and was supposed to be great with straightening out kids. It wasn't a church the parents went to, but they were desperate so they gave him a call anyway and begged him to help them with their two boys.

"Okay" he said: "But I won't see them at the same time. First send me the youngest one. I'll see him tomorrow at 10:00 am." So the parent agreed and sent the youngest one over first.

The younger boy went to the pastor, wondering what would happen this time. He was sent into an empty room with only one chair. So he sat down and waited. When finally the pastor came in, he walked over to the boy and stared at him for quite some time. Then he asked with a rather loud voice: "Where is God?"

The boy just sat there and didn't even blink. So the pastor asked again, while staring at the boy: "Where is God?" Again the boy didn't respond at all.

So the pastor came really close to the boy and asked up close for the third time: "Where is God?"
Just then the boy jumped up and ran out of the room before the pastor could say anything else. The boy ran down the block straight home. He ran straight up the stairs and fled to his room. The older boy saw his younger brother almost flying into his room and wondered what was going on. So he went up there and found his brother hiding under his bed.

He kneeled down to ask him what was going on.

"We're really in troubled this time, brother!" he answered: "God is gone and they think we did it ..."

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The subject who is truly loyal to the Chief Magistrate will neither advise nor submit to arbitrary measures. Junius

Ghost Photography

An enterprising journalist decided to get the scoop of the day by photographing the fearsome phantom that lived in the spooky old mansion house at the edge of town.

When he entered the house, armed with only his camera, the ghost descended upon him, moaning and wailing and clanking chains.

"I mean no harm; I just want your photograph," the journalist said bravely.

Pleased at this chance to make headlines, the ghost posed for a number of shots, and the happy journalist rushed back to his darkroom and began developing the photos.

Unfortunately, they turned out to be so underexposed that nothing could be seen in them.

He was distraught, and went to a local pub to drown his sorrows. Meeting his friends there, they asked what was wrong. Not wanting to tell the whole story, he simply explained with a single sentence: ......

"The spirit was willing, but the flash was weak."

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The subject who is truly loyal to the Chief Magistrate will neither advise nor submit to arbitrary measures. Junius

A police officer is sitting at a stop light as a car passes by containing a man driving the car and a penguin in the front passenger side of the car. The officer turns on his lights & siren and promptly pulls the man over.

"Mister, what are you doing with this penguin?" asks the officer.
"I was just taking him for a little ride, sir," responds the man.
"Well, this is just not acceptable. I want you to take this penguin to the zoo right this instant!" scolds the officer.
"Well, ok, if you insist," responds the man sadly, and drives off.

The next day, the same officer is sitting at the same stop light. Once again he spots the same man driving down the street with the penguin perched neatly in the front seat. He wastes no time in turning on his lights & siren, and chasing the man down.

He is quite angry as he approaches the car, and says to the man "I thought I made myself very clear yesterday that you were supposed to take this penguin TO THE ZOO!"
"Oh, officer, I did exactly as you told me to, and you know what?" said the man with a smile on his face "He liked it so much, we are going again today!"

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The subject who is truly loyal to the Chief Magistrate will neither advise nor submit to arbitrary measures. Junius

A proper burial.....

A young preacher was asked by the local funeral director to hold a grave-side burial service at a small local cemetery for someone with no family or friends. The preacher started early but quickly got himself lost, making several wrong turns.

Eventually, a half-hour late, he saw a backhoe and its crew, but the hearse was nowhere in sight, and the workmen were eating lunch. The diligent young pastor went to the open grave and found the vault lid already in place.

Taking out his book, he read the service. Feeling guilty because of his tardiness, he preached an impassioned and lengthy service, sending the deceased to the great beyond in style.

As he was returning to his car, he overheard one of the workmen say: "I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years and I ain't never seen anything like that."

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The subject who is truly loyal to the Chief Magistrate will neither advise nor submit to arbitrary measures. Junius

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A duck goes into the pharmacy and waddles up to the counter.

DUCK: "Have you got anything for a sore beak?"

SHOP ASSISTANT: "Try this ointment. That'll be 2.99 please."

DUCK: "Would you put that on my bill ."

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The subject who is truly loyal to the Chief Magistrate will neither advise nor submit to arbitrary measures. Junius

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o




as she sings Red Solo Cup

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(Haley, loved your lawyer joke)

PRAISE THE LORD

The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers. Suzie Smith stood and walked to the podium. She said,
"I have a praise. Two months ago, my husband, Tom, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the
doctors didn't know if they could help him." You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagine the pain that poor Tom must
have experienced. "Tom was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every move caused him terrible pain." We prayed as the doctors performed
a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Tom's scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in place."
Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Tom. "Now," she announced in a
quivering voice, "thank the Lord, Tom is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely." All the men sighed
with unified relief. The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say. A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium. He said,
"I'm Tom Smith." The entire congregation held its breath. "I just want to tell my wife the word is sternum."

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OF WAR, AND PEACE, AND MARY BETH: my contest winner, honest

For Whom the Good Tolls an 'RR' and it's short, no kidding[/url]

I was taking a walk in my local park, the other day.
As I walked through the trees, I saw a man who was throwing sticks. Each time, a huge German Shepherd chased the stick and took it back to him.
I went over and asked, "Does your dog bite?"
"Oh no," he responded. "My dog is very friendly."
I reached out to stroke the thick furred canine and it immediately sank its teeth into my forearm!
I jumped back and yelled;
"You said your dog was friendly and didn't bite!"
"That's not my dog," he replied.

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The third part of this epic journey starts here... https://www.storiesspace.com/stories/drama/the-long-road-home-chapter-1.aspx

If anyone wishes to find the beginning of this epic saga, here it is:

https://www.storiesspace.com/stories/drama/-the-nurses-.aspx

"Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it." George Santayana

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