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magnificent1rascal
Posted: Friday, January 17, 2014 9:23:08 AM

Rank: Administration
Moderator

Joined: 10/12/2010
Posts: 2,298
Location: On the ragged edge of disaster
Have a joke or a funny pic that only writers will get? Share here!

I'll start with a little Monty Python humor...



Connect with Maggie

Like my Facebook fan pages: Maggie Rascal and M.P. WitwerFriend me on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/maggierascalFollow me on Twitter: http://twitter.com/Maggie1Rascal
rolandlytle
Posted: Friday, January 17, 2014 11:26:55 AM

Rank: Forum Guru
Moderator

Joined: 1/14/2013
Posts: 1,700
Location: Chicago area, United States
Sherlock Holmes confronts the room of suspects. With Watson by his side scribbling notes into his ledger, Holmes paces back and forth in front of the three possible murderers, the elderly aunt, the butler and the mistress. The consulting detective waves the police investigator forward.

"Inspector, I have used reason and wit to discern the culprit, the foul slayer of the lord of this manor. The aunt has obvious motive, she would inherit everything, but she is to old and frail to have wielded the club in the manner necessary to kill the victim. The mistress discovered his other dalliance with the dancer at the club, but she is left-handed and the manor's lord had defensive wounds and the majority of the severe blows were on the left side of the victim which logically leads us to the conclusion that the murderer must be right-handed and attacking from the front. The butler has no motive until you notice the facial similarities and scar on his left hand. The victim had six fingers which is a rare genetic abnormality that is pasted from father to son. The butler is his illegitimate son and DNA evidence would prove it thus allowing him the inherit the estate. He is the guilty one."

The butler begins to run, but a nearby police officer knocks him to the ground and cuffs him.

Watson speaks up, "But sir, it can't be the butler."

"He must be. It's elementary my dear Watson." replied Holmes

"It can't be!" Watson stridently said. "I still have at least three chapters to go!"

You can't get there from here, because when you get there you're still here and here is now there.
Circle_Something
Posted: Friday, January 17, 2014 3:51:20 PM

Rank: Forum Facilitator

Joined: 8/11/2012
Posts: 1,965
Location: Kissing Her Slowly, Glasgow-ish, United Kingdom
Been looking for an excuse to post this XD



Ghosts, flamingos, guitars and vodka. Don't forget Kitty and Kitten. Eclectic subjects, eccentric stories:

Humorous guide & Recommended Read =^.^= How To Make a Cup of Tea
A flash fiction series :) A Random Moment in Time
A love poem <3 Kitty & Kitten
Editors' Pick! :D I Am The Deep, Dark Woods
And another EP!: The Fragility of Age
=^.^= <3 ^.^

magnificent1rascal
Posted: Friday, February 14, 2014 1:18:36 PM

Rank: Administration
Moderator

Joined: 10/12/2010
Posts: 2,298
Location: On the ragged edge of disaster
Yea, verily, 'tis what it is all about...



Connect with Maggie

Like my Facebook fan pages: Maggie Rascal and M.P. WitwerFriend me on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/maggierascalFollow me on Twitter: http://twitter.com/Maggie1Rascal
Circle_Something
Posted: Friday, February 14, 2014 7:45:52 PM

Rank: Forum Facilitator

Joined: 8/11/2012
Posts: 1,965
Location: Kissing Her Slowly, Glasgow-ish, United Kingdom
Something I've always wondered, and evidently, so has Joss Whedon:

Buffy: How do you get to be renowned? I mean, like, do you have to be nowned first?
Willow: Yes. First there's the painful nowning process.

Works on so many levels, but works especially well if you write.


Ghosts, flamingos, guitars and vodka. Don't forget Kitty and Kitten. Eclectic subjects, eccentric stories:

Humorous guide & Recommended Read =^.^= How To Make a Cup of Tea
A flash fiction series :) A Random Moment in Time
A love poem <3 Kitty & Kitten
Editors' Pick! :D I Am The Deep, Dark Woods
And another EP!: The Fragility of Age
=^.^= <3 ^.^

Circle_Something
Posted: Saturday, February 22, 2014 5:19:47 PM

Rank: Forum Facilitator

Joined: 8/11/2012
Posts: 1,965
Location: Kissing Her Slowly, Glasgow-ish, United Kingdom


Ghosts, flamingos, guitars and vodka. Don't forget Kitty and Kitten. Eclectic subjects, eccentric stories:

Humorous guide & Recommended Read =^.^= How To Make a Cup of Tea
A flash fiction series :) A Random Moment in Time
A love poem <3 Kitty & Kitten
Editors' Pick! :D I Am The Deep, Dark Woods
And another EP!: The Fragility of Age
=^.^= <3 ^.^

AvrgBlkGrl
Posted: Thursday, March 6, 2014 7:54:04 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 2/17/2014
Posts: 84
Location: In the window seat, United States


Please Read My Latest Story (Click on the Banner):



Sherzahd
Posted: Friday, March 28, 2014 11:58:35 PM

Rank: Administration
Moderator

Joined: 2/2/2011
Posts: 2,257
Location: Cape Town, South Africa
This explains why I always need a vacation to recover from my vacation...



“Many people hear voices when no-one is there. Some of them are called mad and are shut up in rooms where they stare at the walls all day. Others are called writers and they do pretty much the same thing.”
DirtyMartini
Posted: Wednesday, April 2, 2014 6:33:10 PM

Rank: Rest in Peace

Joined: 10/12/2010
Posts: 3,409
Location: Earth, for now..., United States
Just in case anyone here was wondering what different styles of writing actually look like...



I once knew a drinker who had a moderating problem...

DirtyMartini
Posted: Saturday, April 26, 2014 1:00:16 PM

Rank: Rest in Peace

Joined: 10/12/2010
Posts: 3,409
Location: Earth, for now..., United States
You could probably say that about sites like this as well...



A bit late now perhaps...



Well...maybe not everyone perhaps...



Oh yeah...this should work out just fine...



I once knew a drinker who had a moderating problem...

DirtyMartini
Posted: Saturday, April 26, 2014 1:12:47 PM

Rank: Rest in Peace

Joined: 10/12/2010
Posts: 3,409
Location: Earth, for now..., United States
Not sure if this approach will work for any of my friends here...



Yeah...something just might be missing...



The differences finally clearly explained...



That's how they did it in the old days...



I once knew a drinker who had a moderating problem...

DirtyMartini
Posted: Wednesday, May 21, 2014 1:29:35 AM

Rank: Rest in Peace

Joined: 10/12/2010
Posts: 3,409
Location: Earth, for now..., United States
This is a joke that was posted earlier today by my friend, and fellow author Ica Iova...I could be wrong, but I have a feeling I'm not the only one here who would be ecstatic if I made $13k in a year writing...just sayin'

JOKE OF THE DAY
Three guys are sitting at a bar.
#1: "...Yeah, I make $75,000 a year after taxes."
#2: "What do you do for a living?"
#1: "I'm a stockbroker. How much do you make?
#2: "I should clear $60,000 this year."
#1: "What do you do?"
#2: "I'm an architect."
The third guy has been sitting there quietly, staring into his beer, when the others turn to him.
#2: "Hey, how much do you make per year?"
#3: "I guess about $13,000."
#1: "Oh yeah? What kind of stories do you write?"


I once knew a drinker who had a moderating problem...

DirtyMartini
Posted: Tuesday, June 10, 2014 1:07:30 AM

Rank: Rest in Peace

Joined: 10/12/2010
Posts: 3,409
Location: Earth, for now..., United States
Here's a bit of humor that only a writer, or editor, could possibly appreciate...

Q. What’s black and blue and red all over?

A. A rookie author and his manuscript in the hands of a professional editor!


I once knew a drinker who had a moderating problem...

DirtyMartini
Posted: Saturday, June 14, 2014 10:43:05 PM

Rank: Rest in Peace

Joined: 10/12/2010
Posts: 3,409
Location: Earth, for now..., United States
A visitor to a certain college paused to admire the new Hemingway Hall that had been built on campus.
"It's a pleasure to see a building named for Ernest Hemingway," he said.
"Actually," said his guide, "it's named for Joshua Hemingway. No relation."
The visitor was astonished. "Was Joshua Hemingway a writer, also?"
"Yes, indeed," said his guide. "He wrote a check."


I once knew a drinker who had a moderating problem...

Circle_Something
Posted: Saturday, June 14, 2014 11:31:59 PM

Rank: Forum Facilitator

Joined: 8/11/2012
Posts: 1,965
Location: Kissing Her Slowly, Glasgow-ish, United Kingdom
An oldie, but a goodie: The past, present and future walked into a bar. It was tense.

Ghosts, flamingos, guitars and vodka. Don't forget Kitty and Kitten. Eclectic subjects, eccentric stories:

Humorous guide & Recommended Read =^.^= How To Make a Cup of Tea
A flash fiction series :) A Random Moment in Time
A love poem <3 Kitty & Kitten
Editors' Pick! :D I Am The Deep, Dark Woods
And another EP!: The Fragility of Age
=^.^= <3 ^.^

Circle_Something
Posted: Monday, June 30, 2014 11:06:39 PM

Rank: Forum Facilitator

Joined: 8/11/2012
Posts: 1,965
Location: Kissing Her Slowly, Glasgow-ish, United Kingdom
Not sure if this fits in here, but I'm posting here, anyway. I bring you, the Necronomemoticon:

(;..;)

Ghosts, flamingos, guitars and vodka. Don't forget Kitty and Kitten. Eclectic subjects, eccentric stories:

Humorous guide & Recommended Read =^.^= How To Make a Cup of Tea
A flash fiction series :) A Random Moment in Time
A love poem <3 Kitty & Kitten
Editors' Pick! :D I Am The Deep, Dark Woods
And another EP!: The Fragility of Age
=^.^= <3 ^.^

Circle_Something
Posted: Saturday, July 12, 2014 7:10:10 AM

Rank: Forum Facilitator

Joined: 8/11/2012
Posts: 1,965
Location: Kissing Her Slowly, Glasgow-ish, United Kingdom


Ghosts, flamingos, guitars and vodka. Don't forget Kitty and Kitten. Eclectic subjects, eccentric stories:

Humorous guide & Recommended Read =^.^= How To Make a Cup of Tea
A flash fiction series :) A Random Moment in Time
A love poem <3 Kitty & Kitten
Editors' Pick! :D I Am The Deep, Dark Woods
And another EP!: The Fragility of Age
=^.^= <3 ^.^

Circle_Something
Posted: Saturday, July 12, 2014 7:11:37 AM

Rank: Forum Facilitator

Joined: 8/11/2012
Posts: 1,965
Location: Kissing Her Slowly, Glasgow-ish, United Kingdom


Ghosts, flamingos, guitars and vodka. Don't forget Kitty and Kitten. Eclectic subjects, eccentric stories:

Humorous guide & Recommended Read =^.^= How To Make a Cup of Tea
A flash fiction series :) A Random Moment in Time
A love poem <3 Kitty & Kitten
Editors' Pick! :D I Am The Deep, Dark Woods
And another EP!: The Fragility of Age
=^.^= <3 ^.^

DirtyMartini
Posted: Tuesday, July 15, 2014 2:06:19 PM

Rank: Rest in Peace

Joined: 10/12/2010
Posts: 3,409
Location: Earth, for now..., United States
Try explaining that one to kids these days...




Another sign of the times my friends...



The kid will grow up to be a great book reviewer someday...



I once knew a drinker who had a moderating problem...

DirtyMartini
Posted: Friday, July 18, 2014 2:04:42 AM

Rank: Rest in Peace

Joined: 10/12/2010
Posts: 3,409
Location: Earth, for now..., United States
This one is required viewing my friends...trust me on this...happy8

"Weird Al" Yankovic - Word Crimes



I once knew a drinker who had a moderating problem...

DirtyMartini
Posted: Friday, August 22, 2014 7:01:10 AM

Rank: Rest in Peace

Joined: 10/12/2010
Posts: 3,409
Location: Earth, for now..., United States
Wondering what to do with that MFA in Poetry my friends? Well now...wonder no more...

Who says you can’t do anything with that poetry degree? Below, Ali Shapiro, a recent graduate of the University of Michigan’s MFA program in poetry, doles out some exceedingly practical advice for job-hunting with the qualifications of a creative writer.

Spotlight: Ali Shapiro
http://therumpus.net/2013/08/spotlight-ali-shapiro/



I once knew a drinker who had a moderating problem...

DirtyMartini
Posted: Thursday, August 28, 2014 6:55:32 AM

Rank: Rest in Peace

Joined: 10/12/2010
Posts: 3,409
Location: Earth, for now..., United States
Just another sign of the times my friends...happy8



I once knew a drinker who had a moderating problem...

DirtyMartini
Posted: Monday, September 1, 2014 1:34:28 PM

Rank: Rest in Peace

Joined: 10/12/2010
Posts: 3,409
Location: Earth, for now..., United States
Oh dear...truly a link only a writer can love...138, yes count them...138 thesaurus cartoons...I mean, who knew?

Thesaurus Cartoons
http://www.cartoonstock.com/directory/t/thesaurus.asp





I once knew a drinker who had a moderating problem...

DirtyMartini
Posted: Friday, November 7, 2014 10:06:19 AM

Rank: Rest in Peace

Joined: 10/12/2010
Posts: 3,409
Location: Earth, for now..., United States
Any of my friends here suffering from writer's block...this might explain a few things...



Thinking this might be a more realistic way to categorize books, rather than "poetry, short stories, novels" etc...



Some might say the end is already here, looking at Facebook, and other social media...



I'm not sure whether I'd want to live here or not...sounds like a bad neighborhood to me...



Remember this my friends, if you ever get abducted or something...



I once knew a drinker who had a moderating problem...

DirtyMartini
Posted: Tuesday, November 11, 2014 3:01:10 PM

Rank: Rest in Peace

Joined: 10/12/2010
Posts: 3,409
Location: Earth, for now..., United States
Might be a bit much to ask, really...



Well, at least he is writing...you got to give him some credit here...



I once knew a drinker who had a moderating problem...

magnificent1rascal
Posted: Sunday, March 22, 2015 10:24:05 AM

Rank: Administration
Moderator

Joined: 10/12/2010
Posts: 2,298
Location: On the ragged edge of disaster
How to Write Good:

http://www.plainlanguage.gov/examples/humor/writegood.cfm

laughing9

Connect with Maggie

Like my Facebook fan pages: Maggie Rascal and M.P. WitwerFriend me on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/maggierascalFollow me on Twitter: http://twitter.com/Maggie1Rascal
Survivor
Posted: Tuesday, December 11, 2018 9:31:24 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 12/21/2012
Posts: 3,157
Location: bajo un árbol de álamo


Dreamcatcher
Posted: Tuesday, December 11, 2018 11:18:18 AM

Rank: Forum Facilitator

Joined: 3/15/2011
Posts: 3,025
Location: Only my friends know...


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