Welcome Guest Search | Active Topics | Members | Log In | Register

A guy walks into a bar ... Options · View
ShamelessFlirt
Posted: Wednesday, April 11, 2018 9:58:38 PM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 3/25/2018
Posts: 25
Location: Nerdvana

So a guy walks into a bar with an octopus. He sets him on the bar and says to the bartender, "I'll bet you $50 this octopus can play any instrument you have."

The bartender agrees and directs him to a piano in the corner.

After scuttling over to it, the octopus sits down and plays a few bars

the man asks the bartender to pay up.

"Hold on" says the bartender and hands over a guitar.

The octopus takes the guitar, gives it a quick tune and plays a little song.

The man again asks the bartender to pay up.

"Just a minute, I think I've got something else here." The bartender disappears into the back room for a couple of minutes, comes back out and puts a set of bagpipes down on the bar.

The octopus moves around them, looking confused, picking up the pipes one at a time and putting them back down until the man says, "what's wrong? Can't you play it?"

The octopus says, "play it? If I can figure out how to get its pajamas off, I'm gonna have my way with it!

Let me share something with you
ShamelessFlirt
Posted: Wednesday, April 11, 2018 10:06:22 PM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 3/25/2018
Posts: 25
Location: Nerdvana
Three vampires walk into a bar. "What can I get ya?" asks the bartender.

"Blood," orders the first vampire.

"Make it two," says the second.

The bartender looks at the third. "What about you, buddy?"

"Plasma," says the vampire.

"Okay," replies the barman. "Let me make sure I've got this straight. Two bloods and a blood light.

Let me share something with you
ShamelessFlirt
Posted: Wednesday, April 11, 2018 10:08:24 PM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 3/25/2018
Posts: 25
Location: Nerdvana
A pair of jumper cables walk into a bar and ask for a drink. The bartender says, "OK, but I don't want you starting anything in here."


Let me share something with you
ShamelessFlirt
Posted: Wednesday, April 11, 2018 10:26:51 PM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 3/25/2018
Posts: 25
Location: Nerdvana
Two guys walk into a bar and sit down at a table.
The barkeep comes over to them and asks, "What can I serve you, gentlemen?"

One of them says to the barkeep, "I'll bet you a pitcher of your finest beer that I can lick my eye."

The barkeep says, "I've had guys come in here that could lick their nose but never have I ever seen one that could lick his eye. I'll take that bet."
So the guy reaches up, pulls out his glass eye, licks it, and puts it back in his eye socket.

The barkeep says, "Damn, you got me."

He brings the guys a pitcher of beer and goes about tending the bar.
When that pitcher starts to get low the barkeep comes back and asks, "Are you gentlemen ready for another?"

The same guy answers, "I'll bet you another pitcher of your finest beer that I can bite my ear."

The barkeep hesitates for a moment and looks at the guy's left ear, his right ear, and says, "There's no way you've got an artificial ear. I'll take that bet."

The guy reaches up, pulls out his false teeth, bites his ear with them, and puts them back in his mouth.

The barkeep says, "Damn, you got me again."
He brings the guys another pitcher of beer and goes about tending the bar.

A little later the betting guy is drunk, gets up and staggers over to the bar and lays a $100 bill on the bar saying, "I'll bet you a hundred that I can pee and fill 10 shot glasses lined up on the bar with their rims touching without spilling a drop on the bar from 3 feet away."

The barkeep says, "It'll be worth $100 to see that so I bet you can't do it."
He puts his own $100 on the bar, lines up 10 shot glasses and steps back.

The drunk whips it out and pees all over the shot glasses, the bar, and the floor.
The barkeep picks up the two $100 bills with a smile on his face, gets out his towel and starts to wipe it up. He then notices the drunk is smiling and says, "I just made $100, you just LOST $100, why are you smiling??"

The drunk says, "you see the guy over there I've been drinking with all this time?
I just bet him $1,000 that I could come over here, pee all over the bar, and that you'd wipe it up with a smile on your face."

Let me share something with you
AnnaMayZing
Posted: Friday, April 13, 2018 2:04:17 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 9/1/2015
Posts: 5,577
A guy walks into a bar... breaks two teeth!

The third part of this epic journey starts here... https://www.storiesspace.com/stories/drama/the-long-road-home-chapter-1.aspx


"Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it." George Santayana
ShamelessFlirt
Posted: Thursday, April 19, 2018 4:11:22 PM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 3/25/2018
Posts: 25
Location: Nerdvana
A grasshopper walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "We have a drink named after you!" The grasshopper says, "You have a drink called Freddy?"

Let me share something with you
ShamelessFlirt
Posted: Thursday, April 19, 2018 4:15:09 PM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 3/25/2018
Posts: 25
Location: Nerdvana
A snake slithers into a bar and asks for a beer.

The bartender replies, "Sorry, we don't serve your kind here.

" "Why not?" asks the snake.

"You can't hold your liquor."

Let me share something with you
ShamelessFlirt
Posted: Thursday, April 19, 2018 4:18:01 PM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 3/25/2018
Posts: 25
Location: Nerdvana
A priest, a rabbi, and a monk walk into the bar. The bartender says, “What is this, some kind of a a joke?”

Let me share something with you
ShamelessFlirt
Posted: Wednesday, April 25, 2018 3:47:51 PM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 3/25/2018
Posts: 25
Location: Nerdvana
An Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman go into a rather filthy local pub and each order a pint of Guinness. Just as the bartender hands them over, three flies buzz down, and one lands in each of the pints.

The Englishman looks disgusted, pushes his pint away and demands another pint.

The Irishman picks out the fly, shrugs and takes a long swallow.

The Scotsman reaches into the mug, pinches the fly between his fingers and screams, "Spit it out, ya little bugger! Spit it out!"

Let me share something with you
ShamelessFlirt
Posted: Wednesday, April 25, 2018 4:02:13 PM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 3/25/2018
Posts: 25
Location: Nerdvana
A man is in bed with his wife when there is a knock on the door.
He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's 3 AM.

"I'm not getting out of bed at this time", he thinks, and rolls over.

Then, a louder knock follows.

"Aren't you going to answer that?" says his wife.

So he drags himself out of bed, and goes downstairs.

He opens the door and there is man standing at the door.
It didn't take the homeowner long to realize the man was drunk.

"Hi there," slurs the stranger, "can you give me a push?"

"No, get lost, it's 3 AM. I was in bed," says the man and slams the door.

He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened and she says, "Dave, that wasn't very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the baby-sitter and you had to knock on that man's house to get us started again? What would have happened if he'd told us to get lost?"

"But the guy was drunk." says the husband.

"It doesn't matter." says the wife.
"He needs our help and it would be the Christian thing to help him."

So the husband gets out of bed again, gets dressed, and goes downstairs.

He opens the door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere he shouts, "Hey, do you still want a push?" and he hears a voice cry out "Yeah please."

So, still being unable to see the stranger he shouts, "Where are you?"

And the stranger replies: "I'm over here, on your swing."

Let me share something with you
Users browsing this topic
Guest 


Forum Jump
You cannot post new topics in this forum.
You cannot reply to topics in this forum.
You cannot delete your posts in this forum.
You cannot edit your posts in this forum.
You cannot create polls in this forum.
You cannot vote in polls in this forum.

Main Forum RSS : RSS

Powered by Yet Another Forum.net version 1.9.1.6 (NET v4.0) - 11/14/2007
Copyright © 2003-2006 Yet Another Forum.net. All rights reserved.